Here’s what you missed in last couple segments of The NOT SO Continuing Adventures of Sarah Throm, Super Spy:
Sarah was partnered with a guy named Agent Zacher. She hated him (he gives terrible first impressions), but slowly her feelings of hate turned to something of a hate crush, which is complicated. But together they found the root of evil in the Catholic Church. And his name was Father Kris. Sarah punched him in the face after presented evidence of his wrong doings. He admitted his wrong doings. But then his wife, Mary Goeke, wife of the church, knocked out Sarah Throm with a choir book. And that’s what you missed on… SARAH THROM SUPER SPY.
Father Kris squealed in delight. “Oh my wifey. What would I do without you?”
“I don’t know,” sighed Mary.
“Um, dudes? You know I’m still right here, right? With this gun? That’s pointed at you. You see this?” Agent Zacher pointed at his gun. “The only thing that’s changed here is your wife is going to prison for assaulting a government agent. You’re both pretty much f***ed. Plus, you hit my partner. Did you really think you were going to get away with this?”
Mary and Kris looked at each other.
“Well, yeah…” they said in unison.
“You guys are morons.”
“Hey!” yelled Mary, “words hurt!”
“So, did that choir book, you… [string of swear words so explicit it’s not allowed on the interwebs]!”
Sarah Throm seemed to have made a full recovery from the blow to the back of the head.
Mary passed out from all the hurt.
“My wife! You animal!”
Father Kris charged Agent Zacher. Zacher hit him strait in the forehead with the butt of his gun.
Zacher called for a pick up team and cuffed Mary and Kris. Zacher and Throm looked at each other, smiled, and then did an epic high five.
THE END
Monday, December 7
Monday, October 12
A brief history: Agent Zacher
A time where we depart from the narrative of our present story to give the reader (that’s you!) some insight into the significance of central characters: Today, we delve into the past of Agent Zacher.
Agent Zacher doesn’t know who his Mother is. She abandoned him in a small San Francisco church. The church took the baby to an adoption agency, where he was promptly adopted by Doctor Wright and Mr. Schleicher. The government only allowed this only because Doc Wright worked for the agency.
By age three, Zacher could recite the Russian alphabet. By age ten, he knew how to shoot over thirty types of armed machinery, his favorite being a revolver. At age thirteen, Zacher had been enlisted in the agency and ranked number one in all taught courses, except for fencing. He became something of a legend. Unfortunately, all the fame went to Zacher’s head and on his first field mission, he was shot in the ass. He has since recovered from the injury, but not from his bruised ego.
Agent Zacher doesn’t know who his Mother is. She abandoned him in a small San Francisco church. The church took the baby to an adoption agency, where he was promptly adopted by Doctor Wright and Mr. Schleicher. The government only allowed this only because Doc Wright worked for the agency.
By age three, Zacher could recite the Russian alphabet. By age ten, he knew how to shoot over thirty types of armed machinery, his favorite being a revolver. At age thirteen, Zacher had been enlisted in the agency and ranked number one in all taught courses, except for fencing. He became something of a legend. Unfortunately, all the fame went to Zacher’s head and on his first field mission, he was shot in the ass. He has since recovered from the injury, but not from his bruised ego.
Friday, September 11
Sarah Throm vs. The Catholic Church
Commissioner Martin walked Sarah Throm down a white hallway; they stopped at a giant wall.
“Part of being promoted to Alto Status is you now have access to Science Department Nine,” continued Commissioner Martin. “It’s where we keep our forward thinkers. The ones that come up with scream machines you see in the movies, only the stuff they make completely legit.”
Martin knocked three times on the door and a small microphone came down from the ceiling. She belted a quick fifteen second solo and the doors rumbled open.
“I’ll teach you how to do that next week. I need to introduce you one of our top scientists. Follow me.”
As they walked down the hall, they passed a multitude of lab rooms. Each room having its own brand of weirdness; a gilled cat walking on the ceiling, a webcam that sporadically shot soap at the behest of the owner, a GPS map that showed the locations of past lovers. Sarah’s eyes bulged.
“Ah. Here we are. Sarah, I’d like to introduce you to Dr.Clark - Dr. Clark, this is our newest super spy, Sarah Throm.”
Dr. Clark spun around. “So, you’re Sarah Throm! I’ve been heard things about you. Things that turn my mind turn to mush. But I fear that the rumors about you have been grossly exaggerated. I fear your answer… I’ll ask you anyway: Did you duet with Will Pugh in order to stop under-water terrorists from blowing up the Grand Canyon? ”
“Um,” Sarah nervously rubbed the back of her neck, “Yeah… That was me.”
Dr.Clark face grew ecstatic.
“Yes, Yes. It was excellent work,” commented martin, “But let’s get the matter at hand: Do you have anything to give to Sarah?”
Dr.Clark looked at Commissioner Martin. And then gave Sarah Throm a hug.
Martin sighed.
“Do you have anything else to give her?”
“Um, Yes. I’ve made you this mix cd.”
“Dr.Clark!”
“And this voice chip,” Dr.Clark’s voice squeaked, “It’s really special and I made it just for you. You should feel special. Basically if you ever need to clear a room or someone’s attacking you, just scream very, very loud. And Bam. They’ll be out for at an hour.”
“Thank you… That’s all we need right now,” muttered Martin.
Commissioner Martin started walking away. Sarah followed.
“Seeya Sarah Throm! That mix CD has Cartel on it! You’re awesome! Bye Now!”
Sarah turned to wave good-bye but the giant metal doors slammed in her face.
Martin cursed under her breath.
“Ok, well, now that we have you armed. It’s time to introduce you to your advisor and partner for this mission: Agent Zacher.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
“Part of being promoted to Alto Status is you now have access to Science Department Nine,” continued Commissioner Martin. “It’s where we keep our forward thinkers. The ones that come up with scream machines you see in the movies, only the stuff they make completely legit.”
Martin knocked three times on the door and a small microphone came down from the ceiling. She belted a quick fifteen second solo and the doors rumbled open.
“I’ll teach you how to do that next week. I need to introduce you one of our top scientists. Follow me.”
As they walked down the hall, they passed a multitude of lab rooms. Each room having its own brand of weirdness; a gilled cat walking on the ceiling, a webcam that sporadically shot soap at the behest of the owner, a GPS map that showed the locations of past lovers. Sarah’s eyes bulged.
“Ah. Here we are. Sarah, I’d like to introduce you to Dr.Clark - Dr. Clark, this is our newest super spy, Sarah Throm.”
Dr. Clark spun around. “So, you’re Sarah Throm! I’ve been heard things about you. Things that turn my mind turn to mush. But I fear that the rumors about you have been grossly exaggerated. I fear your answer… I’ll ask you anyway: Did you duet with Will Pugh in order to stop under-water terrorists from blowing up the Grand Canyon? ”
“Um,” Sarah nervously rubbed the back of her neck, “Yeah… That was me.”
Dr.Clark face grew ecstatic.
“Yes, Yes. It was excellent work,” commented martin, “But let’s get the matter at hand: Do you have anything to give to Sarah?”
Dr.Clark looked at Commissioner Martin. And then gave Sarah Throm a hug.
Martin sighed.
“Do you have anything else to give her?”
“Um, Yes. I’ve made you this mix cd.”
“Dr.Clark!”
“And this voice chip,” Dr.Clark’s voice squeaked, “It’s really special and I made it just for you. You should feel special. Basically if you ever need to clear a room or someone’s attacking you, just scream very, very loud. And Bam. They’ll be out for at an hour.”
“Thank you… That’s all we need right now,” muttered Martin.
Commissioner Martin started walking away. Sarah followed.
“Seeya Sarah Throm! That mix CD has Cartel on it! You’re awesome! Bye Now!”
Sarah turned to wave good-bye but the giant metal doors slammed in her face.
Martin cursed under her breath.
“Ok, well, now that we have you armed. It’s time to introduce you to your advisor and partner for this mission: Agent Zacher.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Saturday, August 29
Prologue
“You‘ll never get away with this!” Screamed Baron Skullkrusher. “Never!”
She smiled, shot the grappling hook into the rafters of the castle, motioned the signature backwards peace sign, and jumped out the tiny window of the castle.
“F*** you Sarah Throm! You‘ll never to be a super spy! Never!”
Baron Skrullkrusher would have continued to question the integrity of Sarah Throm’s super spyness, but then his castle blew up. We‘re pretty sure he’s dead.
****
“Congratulations on the success of your mission, Ms.Throm.”
“Thank you, Commissioner Martin.”
“Based on your recent success in the field, We‘ve decided to promote you to Alto status. This includes a license to kill, the stamina to eat raw octopus, and permission to sing in the hover car. Congratulations.”
A tear rolled down Sarah’s cheek. She was a completely legit. She felt like doing a jig.
“Your first mission; Take down the Catholic Church.”
An expression of giddiness passed over Sarah. She pumped her fist in the air.
“Indeed,” said Commissioner Martin.
To be Continued…
She smiled, shot the grappling hook into the rafters of the castle, motioned the signature backwards peace sign, and jumped out the tiny window of the castle.
“F*** you Sarah Throm! You‘ll never to be a super spy! Never!”
Baron Skrullkrusher would have continued to question the integrity of Sarah Throm’s super spyness, but then his castle blew up. We‘re pretty sure he’s dead.
****
“Congratulations on the success of your mission, Ms.Throm.”
“Thank you, Commissioner Martin.”
“Based on your recent success in the field, We‘ve decided to promote you to Alto status. This includes a license to kill, the stamina to eat raw octopus, and permission to sing in the hover car. Congratulations.”
A tear rolled down Sarah’s cheek. She was a completely legit. She felt like doing a jig.
“Your first mission; Take down the Catholic Church.”
An expression of giddiness passed over Sarah. She pumped her fist in the air.
“Indeed,” said Commissioner Martin.
To be Continued…
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